Sup, people? Me? Eh, I'm doing so-so. Just tired. And jobless. And...well...lost, I guess. HA! funny sometimes how you lose yourself. ACTUALLY....no, its not funny. It's very, VERY bad... And the only funny thing about that, is that you can get lost so many ways. I mean, think about it. There's the lost when your trying to find a certain location that your going to and you don't have the directions or forgot the way there. There's the lost when your at a loss for words when something weird happens. AND there's the lost I'm at, lost for inspiration. Lost while trying to find something that's missing in my life. Which is a lot of things. My friends, my family, a love I miss with all my heart. A life I should have when it slipped through my fingers all because of my mistakes. My stupid, pathetic excuses for mistakes. I mean, yeah, we all make mistakes. C'mon, we're not perfect. Even I'm not perfect. I know that. Admitting that should mean something. Then again, its not going to help me solve all my problems. And, boy, do I have problems. Again, another thing I'm not afraid to admit. OK, now I'm just rambling!!! Shit...I need to get my head on straight. Eh...maybe one of these days, I'll get it all right. Anyway, I hope you all are good with what all has gone on in your lives. You may go through hard times and you may get hits coming at you now and again. You may dodge those hits, or you may get whacked really hard, but that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? Or at least, I would think so. You know what? Just don't let those hits get the best of you. You can't let them get to you. Not in this day and age. cause like it or now, things are getting worse. And when life gives you lemons, YOU PAINT THAT SHIT GOLD!!! So don't let your problems eat at you. Cause one of these days, not today, not tomorrow, but eventually things will get better. And that is what I'm going for. Better.

yeah, yeah, i know...*gasp from the audience* im actually writing a journal instead of a post for my page...im actually pretty pissed right now. so this is a pissed off journal. some one ive known for a long time since my childhood really hurt me a few days ago. he did something really sick to me which, for me, is a really BIG deal. to you it may be the simplest thing, but to me, its serious. he wasnt straight-forward with me. he just turned out to be a complete douche bag. and its really sad, because hes a really nice guy, too. i dont want to go into what exactly happened because its some what personal for both me and him. i will say that he has been hurt really bad in the past, he talks about not wanting to get hurt anymore, and he just turns around and acts hypocritical by hurting me, when he knows damn well im in a fragile state as well as he supposedly is. it just pisses me off, and because of that whole fiasco, i probably wont talk to him for a long time. mabye even for the rest of our lives. its just so sad how someone you've known most of your life could just turn on you like that. its stupid and childish. i need some growing up to do, seeing that im really young, but he needs to probably grow up a little more than i do if hes still acting like a boy rather than a man. having to hide behind an email instead of telling me to my face why he had to "test me". its sickening.

If you have happened to just end up at this profile, PLEASE(as in a desperate please) view me gallery, and PLEASE(again, desperate... like a desperate housewife) comment on my art. you don't have to add anything. i just want comments and critiques.
Thank you and have a good day!!! or night......

ok, i am starting to hate these goddamn fucking humans!!!!!
and may i remind you that none of this is shot off at you, im just fucking pissed.
my grandmother is pissing me off to the point i want to slice someone's head off, same goes for Mr. Shithead. he thinks he has the right to fucking insult me and make me out as an idiot. news flash, dip shit, IM NOT A FUCKING RETARD LIKE THE KIDS YOU TEACH IN YOUR CLASS!!!!!!!! the think that they can tell me what to do and what not to do, and tell me how to live my life. "You need a job to support yourself." "You need to stop being so dark." "You need to focus on life and not be so wrapped up in art and music."
FUCK THEM TO FUCKING KINGDOM COME!!!!!!!!! i just want them to fucking leave me alone.....
T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T

i feel horrible. then again, nowadays, i always do. im leaving for pensicola,FL tomorrow morning and i cant do anything about it. i feel like everything inside of me is falling to pieces. even though im still moving, my heart, my body, my soul.......everything just feels shattered. i feel like im hurting, not only myself, but j.b. too. he needs me just as bad as i need him. and to know that im leaving and cant do a goddamn thing about it, makes me feel helpless. makes me feel smaller than i already am. but im not going to let that break me down. he told me not to forget about him and i wont. even if i wanted to forget about him, i cant. he IS my reason for living. he's the first person outside of my family that actually cared about what happens to me, where everyone else just shut me out or used me. i have nothing to give him, but my life. i owe him that. he may not have asked for that, but thats what im willing to give him. as much as no one else believes it, i love him.
I LOVE HIM. and to know that he loves me the same way is worth anything and everything. i make a promise to myself that i will come back to him. im not staying away from him forever. i will come back to him, and never leave him again. that is my promise, and i will keep it.


"Bathe me in the blood of sinners."